Parenthood...

Being a parent is a trip sometimes. If you'd asked me 9 years ago what I thought about having kids, I would have burst out into laughter. I never thought I was "parent material". Never wanted anything to do with it. Wouldn't even hold a newborn baby for fear that I might drop it or fuck it up somehow. When I found out I was going to be a father I was terrified. I think I spent 9 months in complete denial about it. Thinking maybe if I ignored it, it would go away. I guess I thought it was the end of life as I knew it. And it was, to some degree, I guess. But not in a bad way. The minute I held my firstborn I knew everything was going to be alright. All of a sudden I didn't matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was this amazing little being that looked at me with eyes exactly like my own. It was a feeling that I still can't put into words. And that's saying a lot... I usually have words for everything. Most people that know me can attest to this. Even when my second son was born, I thought I would be prepared for all the feelings that came with it. But it was almost exactly like the first time. Except I wasn't really like a deer in the headlights. I have become so much more because of these two little boys. More concerned with the world around me for sure. More aware of the pitfalls that await around every corner. I want them to have, and take advantage of, every opportunity out there. I want so much for them. And if I can do half the job my father did for me, that would be tremendous. I know they're going to screw up and make bad decisions. We all do. Some worse than others. But that is part of learning about this thing called life. Sometimes I can be a little tough on them. But I think structure is extremely important. The things they learn about now will shape them into the men they are going to be. I am always so proud when I see them stop to hold a door for someone, or answer an adult with "sir" and "ma'am". Or when their teachers pull me aside to tell me how hard they are working in school. It lets me know I'm doing some things right. It's amazing what they learn from example, not just words. A lot of you who know me well, also know that I have had to be a long distance father at times. Divorce can be a brutal son of a bitch. But having them here this last 6 months has been the best time of my life. They crack me up. They make every single day better. Nothing else in the world can do that. And I am a better person because of them. Still cynical and sarcastic as ever, but better for sure. I wish that everyone could experience a love like that. It would certainly make us all better for it...

Life... Too short at times...

I was reminded this week, unfortunately, of how quickly this life can be taken from you... I know I'm guilty of taking a lot for granted. We all are. Or at least the vast majority of us.  But every once in a while, something tragic occurs... Something to make you step back and reflect. All too often it involves someone that didn't deserve it. I struggle with that sometimes... The whole "bad things, happening to good people" scenario. I wonder if it's a greater power's way of putting us in check. Making us stop and ask ourselves if we are really living life to the fullest. Are we doing everything in our capacity to make a difference...? To be all that we can be...? Because maybe if it happened to someone that deserved it, we wouldn't even stop to   ponder it. That bothers me. More often than not at times... All I know, is that right now, my heart aches for a family... A family questioning everything they thought they knew about life. A family asking, "why"? I know what that feeling is like. I've been there... Trying desperately to wrap my head around something that just doesn't make sense. A life cut way too short. There's really nothing that can be said or done to make it feel better... It just takes time... An eternity is what it can feel like... But it does get easier. It just doesn't seem fair. But if we can take anything from it, maybe just for a second, we would realize that everything we have is a privilege. And that we should spend more time uplifting people around us. And spend less time tearing people down. Life is too damn short... It really is... Even at 36 years old, 85 seems to soon. It's never enough... Is it? Make every day count for something... And try, if at all possible, to stop taking life for granted. Don't wait for something to happen... Something to make you realize how short this life can be...

Decisions...

   We make them every day, right? What to wear? What to eat? The list goes on. But some days we are forced to make a decision that will directly affect another person(s). These are usually the hardest decisions to make. Personally, I have spent a large portion of my life trying to stay away from making those types of decisions. Mainly, because I don’t like to intentionally hurt someone else (usually). But if I had, maybe my marriage would have turned out better (doubtful), maybe my career path would have changed. I wonder how differently my life would be if I had bitten the bullet in my past and confronted some of the harder decisions head on. Ultimately, I would still be the same person (I think). But maybe I would be happier with myself. Not that I’m not happy, but we could always be happier, right?! I have never been the type to dwell too much on the past, but it seems lately I have become a bit more reflective. Maybe I’m getting older. Maybe I’m getting wiser. Maybe I’m just full of shit, even with myself. Who knows?? I think a lot of my problem was that I was never worried about the consequences of a bad decision. I think I am a little more so, now. Is that maturity? Fuck, I hope not! That means I AM getting old. But, I do care when a decision I make directly affects another. In a perfect world that would never happen, but there would be all day happy hour in that world too. Not sure why I decided to be serious for 2 seconds. I guess I need to even out all my sarcasm every once in a while. Must be the Gemini in me, or the vodka… Anyway…

Leading off...

I've given some thought as to how I wanna start this whole thing off, but I'm so random by nature I couldn't think of the perfect start. So I'm gonna be just that... Random.

I was reading an article the other day about a woman who has had 52 plastic surgeries... Yeah, FIFTY FUCKING TWO... I didn't even know there were 52 parts of your body that could be fixed. I don't know that I would want 52 of anything (blow jobs and sex aside). Seriously though, how unhappy would you have to be with yourself to go under the knife that many times?? I would have to say that qualifies as an addiction. I guess it's like anything else... drugs, food, alcohol, and even sex. But c'mon... 52? Truth be told, Michael Jackson was probably a close second. Hell, he might have even passed her by now if it wasn't for Conrad Murray.

Something else I was thinking about the other day when I was at the grocery store... Crocs are the ugliest fucking things I have ever laid eyes on! I still can't figure out why people wear these things. I would rather strap wooden clogs to my feet and hike the Colorado Rockies before I'd sit at home with these dumb looking pieces of shit. And the worst part is that they make them in like 97 colors and none of them look good with anything. Of course, this is just my opinion. But, when I see someone in these I know right away that we will never be friends. There will never be any semblance of common ground between us... Lol... I guess that's all I got for now.

Drink slow and fly low...
JP



 

Blogging rookie...

I've thought about blogging for a while now. I mean really and truly, I have tons of shit to say. Most of which won't fit on a Facebook status. Anywho... for those of you that wanna follow, do it.... And for those of you who don't, piss off... Lol... We'll see where it goes, but it should be fun...